Rain, Rain Go Away...

It’s raining, it's pouring, the old man is snoring...

I was woken up by a phone call this morning. A new friend called me. I met him last week when I broke the USB for my internet connection. He was referred to me by another friend I had made at the Starcomms office the week before.

Everywhere I find myself I try to make friends because the people you know often make life easier, especially in Nigeria. I cannot imagine what my day at Starcomms would have been like if I didn't know anyone there. If there is one thing I don't like doing, it is waiting. I can be very impatient. I don’t like to wait on queues especially when they are a result of a poor system. Anyway, I ended up not waiting and they fixed my usb in a few minutes for free. All this is because I made a friend the week before when I went to buy the usb. And as I left there I was making another friend with the guy who helped me fix it. I gave him my card and number and I took his number. He gladly told me to come and have it fixed anytime I had a problem.

Well, this week, I had a problem again when I paid for the internet subscription,so I called him again and I also called my previous contact there. They were both very helpful and the matter was resolved. Since then we have been talking quite a bit on the phone. So far, I think he is a smart guy and I don’t meet a lot of people who are versed in different subject matters, so that has really intrigued me and kept the conversations going. The other day he gave me an interesting analogy on how sometimes we need to look beyond the goal and focus on the process. I.e. often the process builds character and there are lessons learnt in the actual journey. For example if one focused on money without focusing on the means to make the money, you will find that character will not be built and the person does not really learn much because they never appreciated the process of achieving a goal. Anyway, I have thought about what he said and it did make a lot of sense to me so I am saving that piece of insight and pondering on it.

Yesterday I went to see my former colleagues in my 2 last jobs. I went to both offices. I needed to use a printer for a proposal I was submitting yesterday so I was able to get it printed and generally just chit chat with my friends at the same time.

I ended hanging out with my buddy, same one from last Friday, he was a former colleague from my previous job. We tried to see a movie but there wasn't anything good out there and the good stuff we had seen already. Also the timing was a bit late for me as the next movies were like 10pm,so I just chilled with him. We ended up going to a supermarket and buying bread, butter, crisp, mayonaise and ribena and just ate it at his house. He said he had tasted some bread and mayonaise in the morning and had been craving it ever since. The butter was for me I wasn't with him on the mayo thing. Not bad for a Friday night I guess.

We talked about different things, life, love, work etc. I have this belief that people who are very good in one area of their life often lack in the other. Let me explain. We were talking about star performers at work and colleagues that are really good at their jobs. I believe that apart form the passion you exhibit at work, the time you dedicate to your job determines what is important to you and if you are spending 12- 18 hours at work everyday then it seems like that is your focus and other areas of your life will suffer.

For example, I have a fantastic doctor; I have never met anyone like him before. In fact at one point I started thinking wow this guy is not bad at all. He may be in his 50s I guess. He is divorced with children. Every time I have a consultation he has something extra to offer me. Sometimes counselling, sometimes something he printed off the internet. He really takes time to explain things to me and answer all my questions. After the consultation he sees me off downstairs. And no it's not special treatment for me. He gives out his personal phone number to his clients so his phone is buzzing with their calls. In my opinion he is a wonderful doctor. I interpret his behaviour on the job to one of a very caring doctor. It makes me think of him as a very caring person too but am I right?

One day I asked him a direct question about getting back together with his wife because he said they maintained a cordial relationship. He replied that they couldn’t ever get back together because the reason why they split up is still there...work. In fact my guess is that he was a lousy husband. I put myself in his wife's shoes and realised that if I were married to him, I’d hardly see him, he's always be at work, when he wasn't at work his phone would be always buzzing with patient calls. He loves his work a lot and he is at what he does. In fact it would be very easy to misinterpret his work behaviour as who he was as a person. To his patients he is loving and caring but to his wife he was the opposite. What I am trying to say is sometimes I think when it’s great on one side then on another side it’s not so great. Passion doing something is one thing but time spent doing that thing is another. The place we invest our time is really where the heart and mind is. And we can’t be in more than one place at the same time so if we are at work till late most of the time then we cannot be with friends or family at the same time, unless you work for Google perhaps. I have fancied a guy who was great at work, he worked long hours and spent 7 days a week working but he was so detached with his emotions outside work. But if you judged him based on his behaviour at work, he was a great guy, but that was were his loving and feeling behaviour ended…at work. Passion at work is a wonderful thing,don't misunderstand me but long hours invested at work is a sure sign of other areas lacking in attention given. So what do you spend most of your time doing?

Today, I am not sure what I am doing. I am supposed to meet with a friend of mine to discuss some training we want to organise before the year runs out. My yesterday’s meeting with the client’s client didn’t go so great, it appears that they have outsourced the team building component of the conference to an American firm. So it appears that the work I was supposed to do is being handled by another firm and they just want me to help organise the people and logistics and materials required for the workshops. Hmmm, I will have to pass because that is not what I do, besides they can get someone in their team to do that for them and not have to pay them a dime. Unless they tell me something different from what I heard at yesterday’s meeting, it appears there isn’t really much for me to do anymore. So well, I guess yesterday’s proposal is what I will be praying about now…

It’s stopped raining. O yes, I remember I was invited to a party at 4pm today. Hmmm it supposed to be some ceremony of some sort of some big shot person but those kind of parties are really not my thing. I am not sure I will go, I rather just stay in good company and gist or even laze around.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Please do not read if you do not want to know what happened in the movie:

I just saw this movie 'the curious case of Benjamin Button' last night and it really made me think. My sister had actually recommended it to me last week. When I texted her yesterday to tell her I was going to see it the following text dialogue occurred between us.

Me: Off to see curious case
Sister: Take your sleeping bag with you...
Me (at the ticket counter): Should I see seven pounds instead
Sister: No see curious case
Me (as soon as I had bought the ticket): Just got the ticket
Sister: Enjoy and don't snore too loud
Me(as I got seated in the cinema): Lying down ready to snooze

After the movie, as I got home I texted my sister (who lives in London by the way)
Me: I liked it, sad though
Sister: lol trust you to like it. Just saw notorious it was ok what you'll expect innit?
Me: Sad making me reflective, life is too short
Sister: Really? Well what can you do?

The story in a nutshell is about Benjamin, whose mother dies at his birth. He is abandoned on the same night by his father because he looks abnormal. He is raised by a black woman who is the care taker of an old people's home. Benjamin we discover has a condition which makes him age backwards. So he was born in his 80s and we watch him grown younger and younger throughout the movie. The movie revolves around Benjamin and various relationships with different people coming and going into and out of his life.

When I got home, I googled the movie and read the reviews. While most people agreed it was a good movie overall, majority felt it dragged at the middle with the beginning and the ending being the best bits. I guess that's what my sister was referring to when she said 'take your sleeping bag'. But I didn't find it boring at all. I watched intriguingly all through until I felt myself going up and down with emotion.

Now I am a romantic at heart, I love to see people in love, there is nothing in the world that gives me more joy than seeing two people, a man and a woman displaying affection. no matter the mood i am in the image of two people being happy together always puts a smile on my face and immense joy in my heart 'cause the feeling I get is overwhelming, one I cannot put in words.

Anyway, I felt joy in my heart in the scenes when the leading man (Brad Pitt) and leading lady (Cate Blanchett) finally become a couple and moved into their own home. For all those happy scenes of a couple in love and all the laughter that filled those happy scenes, I felt my heart overrun with joy and the loveliest of feelings. But my joy did not last long. Within minutes I was in tears. All the joy turned to sorrow and loss as our leading man Benjamin decides it makes more sense leaving his wife and one year old daughter rather than have his wife raise 2 kids (him being 1 of the children given his rare condition) or worse still to have his daughter growing up with a playmate instead of a father. For the rest of the movie, we watch Benjamin become a shadow of the character we have grown to love, he slowly dwindles back into time. We watch him develop backwards into his 20s, then to becoming a troubled teenager and child and till his death as a baby. I just wept for the last half hour of the movie. It's an unusual story I know but there's a lot to learn.

To me it's a story about a lot of things. Love, friendship, fear, acceptance, self pity, pride, youthful exuberance, kindness, fate, faith, laughter, sorrow, loss, beauty, vanity, hope and lastly but nowhere least…A story about Time. An invaluable resource that depletes by the second.

I have been thinking about this movie since last night. Even through my sleep and when I got up this morning, I have been thinking about it. I have been thinking that life is too short. And time keeps on ticking regardless of how you decide to live your life. Not like I haven't always known this but sometimes certain occurrences push the reality in your face.

Now whether you are aging normally or backwards like Benjamin it really didn’t make a difference. Time still ticked on. There were times Benjamin probably wished he could hold the hands of time but he couldn't and for that reason he made a decision to leave his family. I could hear a lady behind me saying 'that's selfish', but sometimes we all make decisions which we think are the best for everyone especially ourselves. So from my perspective life is too short, so let's do what we need to do now! Procrastination only postpones the D-DAY and the sad thing about time is you only ever get one chance at it. Yesterday is gone and by tomorrow today will be gone too. Every day we have one less day to live and one less day to do all we wanted to do. Even looking at it from the bright side today can be the first day of the rest of your life but the days before are gone already.

It’s also a story about acceptance and love. This thing called love I have found to be a universal language. Be it romantic love or whatever kind of love you want to call it, it still feels great. Now I know that there is nothing that feels better than when you are accepted whole heartedly as you are without any requirement to change who or what you are. That feeling is awesome. I felt it for Benjamin in the movie several times whenever he met someone who accepted him as he was. Although acceptance begins with one's self but even after you have accepted yourself it is still not complete. But when you find acceptance with other people or better still a special person it is a wonderful feeling. I felt the love between the couple (Benjamin and Daisy) over time and years that passsed between them. I even felt the love between him and the eloquent rich lady he had an affair with at the hotel. It just proved the same thing; that we are all seeking the same things at the end of the day... someone to love us as we are. The lady, though rich and cultured was no different from anyone of us. Just another lonely heart, seeking love, seeking acceptance. To love and be loved is indeed the most special place to be in. Some people are indeed special. There are some people you just love forever. They come into your life and you just love them without reason. God help us.

It’s also a story of idolatry, how we love things so much and cannot think of life without those things until they are taken away from us. Sometimes it's a person, a job, a career, for women even our hair, skin, shoes or bags. We hold so much value to them that they become nothing short of a god to us because of the amount of time we dedicate and invest in these things. The way we spend our time and thoughts show us who our gods are. The leading lady Daisy was a beautiful dancer. Her whole life revolved around dancing, rehearsals, shows till she had an accident injuring her legs, then she felt it was all over. Had her invested time or attitude towards dancing been different, her recovery would have been quicker without a doubt but instead it took her years to get back herself. Her body and dancing was her whole life and when it went, she wanted to die with it. I can see this happening around me all the time when we idolise things/people. I have had my share of experiences; once with a car I loved so much I used to talk to it :). Yes it sounds so crazy but I loved it that much. I used to park it in a side street by the station and as I returned back from work every day, as soon as I caught a glimpse of it, I used to talk to it, ask it how it was doing and smile like I had just been whisked to the love zone. I loved it. I really loved that car. Till one day it was gone. I had an accident on the motor way and the car was written off. I was in so much shock, I just took the train home and left the car right there on the motor way. I never saw it again. I didn't drive for over 6 months and when I finally replaced it with another car; I couldn't care less about the new car. My love affair with cars was over. The strange thing is that ever since that accident my driving has never been the same. But what's the lesson here, shockers (accidents, losses,tragedies) in my experience happen for a reason, sometimes I think just to shake us up a little bit and give us a reality check.

I also saw in the movie how one man's monster can be another man or woman's gift. I saw a proud father who had a name and image to preserve. He could not imagine having what he may have deemed as a monster for a child. Yet this same abandoned abnormal looking baby was taken into care by a woman who had been praying for the fruit of the womb. In her eyes it was a special baby. If she didn't face peculiar circumstances perhaps she wouldn't have kept the baby. It’s amazing how peculiar circumstances in our lives make us very sensitive to certain issues. Had we not experienced something first hand our empathy and sentiments would have been at bay. On the other hand, pride and image can be a terrible thing and the very thing guiding our decision making. Decisions based solely on perception of others and our self image. Selfish indeed.

I know a lot of people will be thinking it's just a movie, it's so unreal, I mean I heard people laughing at all the scenes I was sad at ... but in my life I have found reality to be far far stranger than fiction and that art often imitates life and not the other way round.

I guess I love this movie so much because there were so many things to learn from it. I can tell you so much more but I think I have said more than enough. I don't know why this movie touched me in this way because there are other good movies but it's a wonderful thing to have happened to me. Life is way too short and if the movie could propel me to writing it is indeed a wonderful thing because I have always loved to write but can't seem to find the drive to actually do it as often as I would love to, now here and now I am just hoping I will keep up this blog site and write whatever I feel like.

Because the main thing that hit me about this movie is TIME. I will end on this note.

'May the rest of your life, be the best of your life'.