500 Days of Summer

Today I have to write, I just took off the bunch of bangles on my left wrist and the wrist watch on my right wrist. I must write today. It’s been too long.

I watched an interesting movie on the plane going to London at Christmas. I find the plane experiences my chance to catch up on what Hollywood had to offer for the year. It was titled ‘500 days of Summer’.

The wonderful thing about art is that the interpretation is in the hands of the beholder. Whatever message the movie set out to achieve, I obviously will interpret it based on my own understanding and my own unique experiences. The title in itself was a pun. It was a love story\romantic comedy. Actually it is not a love story it is a story about love. The lead character Tom falls in love with a rather eccentric female named Summer, now you see why I say the title itself was a pun. So the 500 days I believe depicted the length of the relationship with Summer. It’s an interesting story for several reasons. The first being that the guy is madly, deeply and truly in love with this girl whom he has tagged as ‘the one’. Our girl on the other hand says she doesn’t believe in love and doesn’t want a boyfriend. She’s quite happy to be ‘just friends’ but they end up more than friends. We watch the relationship develop, Tom falls deeper in love and Summer is pretty lukewarm till she dumps him when he seems to be at his most vulnerable. There are so many perspectives to this movie and I believe you don’t necessarily have to resonate with Tom or Summer but appreciate the perspectives of each character. Tom writes for a Greeting card company. His real passion is to be an architect which he studied but somehow hasn’t the zeal or determination to pursue his dreams. In some scenes Summer is almost questioning what she seems to interpret as Tom’s inertia towards achieving his heart’s desires.

Another interesting thing about the relationship is that they are colleagues at work. Office romance. When Summer dumps Tom it’s unbearable to go to work. A clear repercussion for many office romance relationships. They don’t work and I’ll leave the explanation for another day.

Tom never really moves on as he remains heartbroken for months after the break-up. He bumps into Summer at a wedding and they dance. She invites him for a party at her house the following week. His heart is lifted for a moment when he sees her at the party only to be dashed again when he notices she is wearing an engagement ring. He walks out taking solace in alcohol and junk food. He cannot make head or tail of what has happened but I find the whole thing amusing and spot on.

A few months later, sitting in his favourite spot in the city. Summer joins him and they talk. Now married, she tries to explain to him what I don’t think he quite understood- that he was not ‘the one’. She explains that when she met her husband she finally understood what Tom had tried to describe to her about true love and knowing when you meet ‘the one’. She clarifies that when she met her husband she knew he was the one;-). How ironic but such is life. I mean she was the one for Tom but Tom was not the one for her. I guess that sums it up. Unrequited love. I guess real love is when you are both the one for each other? I wish it was that simple.

My interpretation; no matter how much we love someone if the feeling is not mutual it simply is an exercise in futility. What struck me most was that Tom was so convinced she was ‘the one’ and she was so convinced otherwise. Love sometimes makes a fool of us. I mean how can you love someone so much and rationalise that it is ok to receive nothing in return. In my belief that kind of love is not the type lovers share. When you are ‘in love’ you should receive love in return. I mean Summer made it clear she didn’t want a boyfriend and Tom was willing to sacrifice his own needs just to suit someone who didn’t love him. He accepted her terms in words but in his heart he wanted so much for her to be his girlfriend that he stuck around even when her terms clearly did not meet his emotional demands. He made excuses on her behalf, disillusioning himself that even though Summer did not want anything serious she was still his girlfriend because they did what people in relationships did. His hopes were on the premise that she would come around eventually and realise she loved him. How sad how sometimes we deceive ourselves into the most awkward situations.

Love is and will always remain a verb. It is action and not thoughts or mere words. Reminds me of an interesting quote I heard from a dear friend Yemisi, ‘never marry a stone or you may have to carry it for the rest of your life’. The first day I heard her say it, I thought to myself so why would anyone ever even date a stone let alone marry one. Then I remembered my moment of madness actually 2 moments of madness when I did date stones. The stone represents the cold and the unemotional. Carrying it represents the heaviness and burdens for the heart that follow. Why settle? That’s why it is very important to first know and understand yourself. Only then can you get the kind of love you deserve.

The best outcome in the movie is what the heartbreak and pain does for Tom’s career. Remember I mentioned I felt Summer’s discomfort with Tom’s inertia in pursuing his dream career as an architect. In his misery, after finding out about Summer’s engagement he quits his job and finally heeds to Summer’s advice to pursue his dreams. There was a bit of me that felt that was what Summer felt was missing in this man. As a woman, I could resonate with the insecurity that perhaps this man will not have the will or guts to go for what he truly desires. There were questions that needed answers. The kind of questions a sensible woman would ask if a man had to be taken seriously. Will he be able to live up to his responsibilities and expectations if he can’t even sort out his personal life?

I also got this feeling that perhaps if he had met Summer at a time in his life where he had dealt with his own fears, things may have turned out different. The gusto may have appealed to Summer, rather than the Tom that appeared the be the somewhat over emotional, fearful, insecure man.

I know we cannot predict anything for sure but I cannot help analysing. After I saw this movie, it really resonated with me in so many ways. I believe I have been on both sides. Either side is a burden. I have found it frustrating to be ‘the one’ to someone I clearly don’t share the same feelings for. It’s even more frustrating when you are hopeful someone is ‘the one’ and their actions not words prove their feelings for you are nothing compared to yours.

May we all find love, of the mutually benefiting kind.