The Journey So Far…

I said nothing in July, not because there was nothing to say but I was more in the air than on ground. I took the vacation I had been dying to go on. It lasted 5 weeks and was quite different from the usual vacations. I didn’t want to stay too long in any one destination but I did in one. I was in London for 2 weeks when it dawned on me that life was too short. I was calculating how much it was going to cost me to travel to different destinations and any traveler knows that if you want to see money deplete at its fastest rate… try travelling. Airfare and accommodation charges are big spenders. So I dilly dallied, till I knew I had overstayed my welcome in London and a friend told me about the death of his friend. I thought to myself ‘and I am here calculating how much when I really don’t know what tomorrow holds’. So I threw caution to the wind believing that money is indeed for spending and having faith that God will provide when I return to Nigeria from my gallivanting.

So I booked my ticket to America. I played around with the schedules on the internet and was able to get the same price if I went through Canada. I seized the opportunity of going to a new place and visit a high school friend who moved there a few years back. From Toronto I went to Maryland from Maryland to Houston from Houston back to Maryland and then back to Canada through Montreal till I was back in good ol’London before the last and final leg back to Lagos.

This trip was different because I visited friends and stayed over for a change. I love hotels and my privacy but this time I decided to be a guest making my trips as short as possible. There’s a saying that goes ‘you are only a guests for 2 nights and on the 3rd night you are an intruder’. I am a firm believer in that saying.

For the first time I stayed over with 6 different families; 5 married and 1 a single parent. My conclusion of my experiences are as follows;

• It pays to marry your friend and remain friends during marriage
• Before you marry, manage your expectations by asking someone who you are certain will tell you the truth about the trials and tribulations of marriage
• It’s a man’s world
• Every child deserves a loving father and mother

I believe in love and I believe in a good marriage. Above all I believe in the pursuit of happiness always. I also believe in the options of friendship, partnerships and divorce when all else fails. I believe that marriage is optional and is not the right choice for everyone. With all my heart, I have an uncanny belief that I am a very special person. If I do get married, it can only be to a very special person, at the right time and for the right reasons. If these conditions are not met, I choose not to marry as I know my strengths and limitations. A lot of life is a choice, the only thing we have no choice on is death.

I believe where possible children should be raised by a loving father and mother. Single parenthood is tough and children I believe thrive better with both parents. There are some things that by and large a man can do effortlessly and there are some things that only a woman can provide naturally. From what I have seen, there is a kind of balance created by both parents in a child's life, where one parent is weak, the other parent will pull the other one up. Jointly, they love and train the child in the way the child should go. However, life is not black and white, single parenthood is not usually planned but with God single parent's have the grace to make the best out of the situation. I also believe that a single loving parent is always better than unloving or abusive parents.

We often hear that what we don’t know cannot kill us but in marriage I think what you don’t know can kill you or kill your spirit. Expectations need to be managed well. Disappointment stems from mismanaged expectations. Hollywood will not show you the reality bites, they can only show you a sneak preview.

To love is to sacrifice but to lose ourselves in it, our very essence, our very purpose is suicidal. I pray none of us finds ourselves in that situation.

I came back refreshed , recharged and ready to work. For the last 3 weeks I have been on what appears to be a road show, delivering leadership training to branch managers for a particular bank. I travelled a lot again; visiting Abuja a regular destination for me and Owerri that I hadn't been since high school. The experience was challenging and liberating. I learnt a lot about other people and I learnt more about myself. As I taught on leadership competencies, I was learning every bit of the way. Learning is a wonderful experience, one I cherish always. I have learnt that you are as strong as your network, who you know. I appreciate the experience of working with most of the branch managers in 2 different banks now. I would do this if I wasn’t paid a dime. It is the people I know that have brought me this far… my God and His people.

This week has been more introspective. Chasing around unpaid invoices… the life of an entrepreneur.

I have been running away from this life. I keep saying that it is not my plan to be a CEO of a firm but I have found myself there (a one man firm for now). It was not my plan to expand this business, I saw my consulting skills as something I would work on the side while I built a profile. I see myself in the building phase of my career, I am building a profile. I want to focus on developing myself as a brand. I want to have good references on my resume. I want to be an undisputed authority and influence in my field. If that means more work experience elsewhere I will go for the opportunity if it aligns with building my profile. I will not take on anything that is not aligned with building this profile.

So as it stands, I won’t hinder the entrepreneurship that has begun, I will let it be as I have no choice but to work at it as it’s my current source of income. I will not plan with what is not but rather I will cease the day and allow the spirit lead. I am not actively seeking employment; I am simply seeking alignment with purpose. I will take on any opportunity that is in alignment with purpose be it another job or expanding this business. The amazing thing is I am not scared of developing the business I just don’t feel like or want to right now. I am sure I sound like a weirdo right now.

I read in Kiyosaki’s book titled ‘Before you quit your job’, that if you are scared of being broke you cannot be an entrepreneur. It’s weird as there was a time I used to say I liked being broke ‘cause at least I knew I had nothing. Based on some of the things I have said, God has been really merciful. God has been good to me and I cannot lie about that. In the past, I have earned more than I have right now but I am far from starving. I have not actively chased work yet but work has been referred to me. I don’t want to be broke trust me but I am not scared of it because I know that He will not let it come to that. He is indeed faithful.

Friends say I should grow the business; dad wants something more conservative like a job, for crying out loud I am his first daughter, I cannot blame him. But I like freedom too much I don’t know where it comes from but that spirit burns within me.

Anyway in such matters, we leave it to God to be the ultimate judge. May His perfect will be done always.