In my mind's eye right now

I have decided to start my doctorate program in October via a distance learning program. I chose the topic earlier in the year when I made my application to a different school but didn’t pursue it because it required me to do a complete MSc program before embarking on the doctorate program. I don’t need 2 Msc’s thanks but no thanks.

So the topic I have picked is ‘the impact of hr practices on employee commitment;’ what do you think? My dear I don’t even know any more.

Anyway, the first 2 years is taught and theoretical so I am almost certain I will have changed the topic by the time i am ready for the research bit.

This week is looking like it will be laid back one. Nothing concrete in the pipeline but like I always say I’m still excited because something wonderful always comes up. I wonder what it will be this week. hmmmmm

I have just been invited swimming in Ikoyi club by my friend Steve. Steve and I have been swimming in before. In fact about a year ago he was supposedly teaching me how to swim, I say supposedly because he appeared to have other motives then. But then he was single and now he is married. I am wondering why it seems so awkward right now to accept this invitation to swim. Swimming is such a contact sport don’t you think? I am laughing here. Am I being over analytical here? We have been friends for years and he is by no means a temptation to me and if I am to him well that is his business. These are some of the reasons why I say it’s a man’s world. I don’t think the average married woman would think to invite her single male friend swimming in a club. Maybe I am just being naïve or clueless.


Now if I turn down this invitation, Steve will say I am giving a silly reason afterall we are friends and he is married now not that he developed leprosy. Anyway, it’s a man’s world. It’s becoming more obvious that I am a 17th century girl in a 21st century world!

I am trying really hard to be more flexible as a person and not be rigid blah di dah, without compromising principles, so my dear, I am going swimming o. Bye!

This love

One day I will write the story of this love
But it’s a long long story
I will write it when I know the end
Then the story will be told from beginning to end


It’s a long long story
One of so much joy and so much pain
One day I will write the story of this love
But it’s a long long story

The Journey So Far…

I said nothing in July, not because there was nothing to say but I was more in the air than on ground. I took the vacation I had been dying to go on. It lasted 5 weeks and was quite different from the usual vacations. I didn’t want to stay too long in any one destination but I did in one. I was in London for 2 weeks when it dawned on me that life was too short. I was calculating how much it was going to cost me to travel to different destinations and any traveler knows that if you want to see money deplete at its fastest rate… try travelling. Airfare and accommodation charges are big spenders. So I dilly dallied, till I knew I had overstayed my welcome in London and a friend told me about the death of his friend. I thought to myself ‘and I am here calculating how much when I really don’t know what tomorrow holds’. So I threw caution to the wind believing that money is indeed for spending and having faith that God will provide when I return to Nigeria from my gallivanting.

So I booked my ticket to America. I played around with the schedules on the internet and was able to get the same price if I went through Canada. I seized the opportunity of going to a new place and visit a high school friend who moved there a few years back. From Toronto I went to Maryland from Maryland to Houston from Houston back to Maryland and then back to Canada through Montreal till I was back in good ol’London before the last and final leg back to Lagos.

This trip was different because I visited friends and stayed over for a change. I love hotels and my privacy but this time I decided to be a guest making my trips as short as possible. There’s a saying that goes ‘you are only a guests for 2 nights and on the 3rd night you are an intruder’. I am a firm believer in that saying.

For the first time I stayed over with 6 different families; 5 married and 1 a single parent. My conclusion of my experiences are as follows;

• It pays to marry your friend and remain friends during marriage
• Before you marry, manage your expectations by asking someone who you are certain will tell you the truth about the trials and tribulations of marriage
• It’s a man’s world
• Every child deserves a loving father and mother

I believe in love and I believe in a good marriage. Above all I believe in the pursuit of happiness always. I also believe in the options of friendship, partnerships and divorce when all else fails. I believe that marriage is optional and is not the right choice for everyone. With all my heart, I have an uncanny belief that I am a very special person. If I do get married, it can only be to a very special person, at the right time and for the right reasons. If these conditions are not met, I choose not to marry as I know my strengths and limitations. A lot of life is a choice, the only thing we have no choice on is death.

I believe where possible children should be raised by a loving father and mother. Single parenthood is tough and children I believe thrive better with both parents. There are some things that by and large a man can do effortlessly and there are some things that only a woman can provide naturally. From what I have seen, there is a kind of balance created by both parents in a child's life, where one parent is weak, the other parent will pull the other one up. Jointly, they love and train the child in the way the child should go. However, life is not black and white, single parenthood is not usually planned but with God single parent's have the grace to make the best out of the situation. I also believe that a single loving parent is always better than unloving or abusive parents.

We often hear that what we don’t know cannot kill us but in marriage I think what you don’t know can kill you or kill your spirit. Expectations need to be managed well. Disappointment stems from mismanaged expectations. Hollywood will not show you the reality bites, they can only show you a sneak preview.

To love is to sacrifice but to lose ourselves in it, our very essence, our very purpose is suicidal. I pray none of us finds ourselves in that situation.

I came back refreshed , recharged and ready to work. For the last 3 weeks I have been on what appears to be a road show, delivering leadership training to branch managers for a particular bank. I travelled a lot again; visiting Abuja a regular destination for me and Owerri that I hadn't been since high school. The experience was challenging and liberating. I learnt a lot about other people and I learnt more about myself. As I taught on leadership competencies, I was learning every bit of the way. Learning is a wonderful experience, one I cherish always. I have learnt that you are as strong as your network, who you know. I appreciate the experience of working with most of the branch managers in 2 different banks now. I would do this if I wasn’t paid a dime. It is the people I know that have brought me this far… my God and His people.

This week has been more introspective. Chasing around unpaid invoices… the life of an entrepreneur.

I have been running away from this life. I keep saying that it is not my plan to be a CEO of a firm but I have found myself there (a one man firm for now). It was not my plan to expand this business, I saw my consulting skills as something I would work on the side while I built a profile. I see myself in the building phase of my career, I am building a profile. I want to focus on developing myself as a brand. I want to have good references on my resume. I want to be an undisputed authority and influence in my field. If that means more work experience elsewhere I will go for the opportunity if it aligns with building my profile. I will not take on anything that is not aligned with building this profile.

So as it stands, I won’t hinder the entrepreneurship that has begun, I will let it be as I have no choice but to work at it as it’s my current source of income. I will not plan with what is not but rather I will cease the day and allow the spirit lead. I am not actively seeking employment; I am simply seeking alignment with purpose. I will take on any opportunity that is in alignment with purpose be it another job or expanding this business. The amazing thing is I am not scared of developing the business I just don’t feel like or want to right now. I am sure I sound like a weirdo right now.

I read in Kiyosaki’s book titled ‘Before you quit your job’, that if you are scared of being broke you cannot be an entrepreneur. It’s weird as there was a time I used to say I liked being broke ‘cause at least I knew I had nothing. Based on some of the things I have said, God has been really merciful. God has been good to me and I cannot lie about that. In the past, I have earned more than I have right now but I am far from starving. I have not actively chased work yet but work has been referred to me. I don’t want to be broke trust me but I am not scared of it because I know that He will not let it come to that. He is indeed faithful.

Friends say I should grow the business; dad wants something more conservative like a job, for crying out loud I am his first daughter, I cannot blame him. But I like freedom too much I don’t know where it comes from but that spirit burns within me.

Anyway in such matters, we leave it to God to be the ultimate judge. May His perfect will be done always.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

I didn’t think I’d laugh so much. I knew the story line was clichéd and Matthew McConaughey who played the main character 'Connor Mead' was type cast, but it was a good laugh. In a nutshell, the story is about the ultimate playboy; doesn’t believe in love and thinks marriage is for the weak and insecure. At the end of the movie we see a redeemed man, a man who confronts his fears and insecurities and finally accepts the liberation that love can give to those who believe and give it freely.

The plot is built around the famous Charles Dickens book ‘A Christmas Carol’ where the main character Scrooge who didn’t believe in Christmas has a life changing experience on Christmas eve. He is visited by 3 ghosts; the ghosts of Christmas past, Christmas present and Christmas future. They take him on a tour of his life scrutinizing his past, present and future letting him see firsthand the consequences of continuing in his disregard for the spirit of Christmas; the love and giving it spreads to all who believe.

In this movie, it’s the eve to Connor’s brother’s wedding. Connor is taken through a similar tour of his life; past, present and future. Exploring the life he has lived by excavating memories from his girlfriends from the past, examining the women in his present and showing him a glimpse of a gloomy future if he continues his current behavior.

It’s amazing how things from our past cause dents in our lives and we consciously or subconsciously shut them off to protect us from getting hurt. We find out that Connor’s beliefs and resulting behavior are deep rooted in events of his past; his parent’s death at an early age which led to him being raised by his uncle, a celebrated womanizer; an epitome of playboy and Don Juan put together. When Connor is heartbroken as a teen he seeks solace in his uncle who mentors him in the art of seduction, feeding him with tactics on retaining power and selfish pleasure in the game of love.

There was an interesting quote in the movie, something like ‘the person who loves less has more power in a relationship’. It made a lot of sense when we think about unrequited love and the pain that it can cause the lover on the receiving end. The quest for power turns a relationship into a game of manipulation and desire to conquer. It takes the fun, lightness, laughter and joy out of it. However, the ending of the movie was apt as we are made to see that in love, it’s not about power, or who has power, it’s about the more loving, the one who can love regardless, the one who chooses love above all else.

It was a good chick flick. Saw it with two of my girls; we had a lot of fun watching it and of course the usual commentary. I am not sure how the guy’s would have appreciated the movie i.e. what angle they would have seen it from. For me, it was funny and that’s entertainment. It had a Hollywood fantasy ending where things always work out in the end and that I agree is what we should always believe.

If I learned one thing about this movie, it echoes the words of my friend Mezie ‘na when person wake up be im morning’ i.e. whatever time a person wakes up is their morning. People can and do change but they do so at their own time. All efforts to change the person earlier may fail but at the appointed time change will occur and all the time and effort that appeared to have been in vain will come full circle. No knowledge or experience is ever lost.

The Illusionist

I love happy endings. It makes everything worth it. All the tears, all the sadness, it takes it all away in one swoop. If there ever was a ‘feel good at the very end’ movie then this must be it. What appeared to be a simple love story had a fantastic twist at the end and a wonderful climax and ending. this movie comes highly recommended.

The movie is about an illusionist, a step up from your stage magician. His power lay in his ability to captivate the minds of his audience to a point of intrigue. At best they were left puzzled, at worst they were disillusioned beyond redemption. But it's a story about love; a love that was found and then lost and then found again and never to be lost again.

Life itself can be an illusion. Now you see it, now you don’t. Perhaps if we ask ourselves the question ‘will it matter in 5 years time?,’ today may appear an even greater illusion. Why worry over things that just don’t matter in the end. What’s all the fuss about? When push comes to shove, what really matters? I’d give it a shot. I’d say love, peace and happiness.

When all is said and done,some things will always matter. To love and be loved, to do so in peace and lastly to be happy. Nothing beats happiness. To be happy regardless… it seems to me a vision statement of some sort as it is something we continue to aspire to but can’t really perfect.

Mutual love is a powerful thing. If 2 parties can agree in love they can move mountains. The passion that burns in them both can achieve anything. Unrequited love is a pain. It’s like pouring water into a basket. It builds on nothing.

I believe in magic, the magic and the power of love. The fire it ignites, the passion it exhumes. The kind of love that electrifies, the titillating kind, unfortunately the fleeting kind…

25 Random Things About Moi

1. I constantly thirst for knowledge. I get excited when I think of what I will learn from anything I am about to read.
2. I love plantain anyway you serve it…fried, roasted, plantain chips, boiled…yummy!
3. I don’t know how to lie
4. I think bow legs are sexy on men
5. I feel very bad when I disobey God’s commandments
6. The thought of sex excites me. The act of sex scares me
7. Pregnancy is even scarier
8. I believe my purpose is strongly tied to making Nigeria a better place
9. When I was a kid I loved bath time so much. I would have baths with everyone again.
10. I have had a job I looked forward to going to every morning
11. My lips are soft and succulent, so are my hips
12. I have had 2 bosses who would hire me again
13. I have been to Rome 3 times but I am saving Paris for him
14. I am a good kisser
15. My dream man is smarter than me, has a strong sense of purpose and direction, makes me laugh and loves me silly (mentally and physically)
16. I ask a lot of questions, I always want to know ‘why’
17. When I am home, I dream of going away. When I am away, I dream of going home.
18. I sleep naked
19. I talk more when I am nervous or if a man I like is trying to kiss me
20. I cherish my freedom and my right to make choices. I will stand up against any attempt to take these things away from me.
21. I would really love to travel the world
22. I make a conscious effort to treat people fairly
23. I dare to be different. When everyone is going right, I will be the one you see going left:-)
24. If I am not talking, something is wrong
25. If you capture my mind, you have captured my heart.