Did I Say a Break???

Did I say I was taking a break off work??? Let me rephrase. It’s been almost 6 weeks since I left my job and I can say the break lasted all but 2 weeks. For the past month I have been swamped with work! I have worked much more than I had in the first quarter of this year, the only difference being that the work happens in my bedroom and the working hours are till 4 am in the morning. The work hours are crazy but I don’t really have to get up early except on very few occasions when I have meetings with clients. I am officially free lancing now. Right now I have 3 clients and a few more prospects. What happened?

I guess two things. When people know that you work for yourself and not just doing it on the side, they begin to take you seriously and seek you out for professional engagements. Secondly, I guess I couldn’t resist the opportunity of earning a pay check. I really like what I do and I am pretty good at it. I design and develop systems that help businesses achieve results through their people. When I tell people I am a HR consultant, why do they automatically think I do recruitment??? That’s a tiny bit of the iceberg. In actual fact I would only do recruitment when there aren’t other things to do. I find it time consuming as well as tedious and the cycle time for payment leaves a lot to be desired.

Anyway, I just saw an offline message from my ex boyfriend. He was reading Chimamanda Adichie’s new book and says he thinks I should write a book because in his own words ‘I feel you can write just as well if not better’. Gosh, I feel bad every time someone reminds me of this writing gift that I have refused to use. Where is the time amidst other demanding gifts and priorities? Someone tell me where is the time? Maybe I should hire a coach to work with me as I don’t know how I am going to manage writing a book and doing my PhD, juggling my career and a family on top. I need another 5 year plan as I really need to put things into perspective. Anyway, I promised myself I am not going to be worrying about the future but rather just take it one day at a time. Life is way too short. I have to keep reminding myself of that truth.

It’s been quite an epiphany these past few weeks. A lot has been happening on all fronts. For a start, it’s Monday morning and I am in bed. The beginning of last week was pretty hectic work wise but this week looks quiet. Although conscious of it, I have not felt the financial pinch and I pray by His grace that I will not. I plan to be on holiday in the next month so I am exploring frugal means of spending my holiday, knowing that I shall receive no pay cheque for the month I am away. But I have learnt a lot in life and more recently I am convinced that God has an unpredictable way of doing things. I am really not worried about my finances, God has been faithful and has embarrassed me with His goodness several times when I attempted to worry, so I trust whole heartedly in Him, believing that He will sort me out.

Since I left work I have had about 4 interviews, none of which I am pretty keen. I am enjoying the flexibility of working from home although I must admit it is a lot of work but its fulfilling working on your own terms. The thought has crossed my mind on whether or not I will be going back to work soon. I didn’t think I will have this dilemma so soon. What are the options really? I guess it’s whether or not I want to begin the process of growing a small business. Now it’s strange that I enjoy being self employed but the thought of running and growing a firm is not appealing to me. Don’t ask me why because I don’t know why. On the other hand, I also do not see myself, point of correction, I do not desire to be an MD of a firm but what I do desire and see myself in is being in a position of influence and authority, where my work touches the lives of many people in a very positive way. How can I achieve this? Government appeals to me but anyone that knows me knows that I am no politician. I say what is on the tip of my tongue and wear my heart on my sleeve. My moods are so visible they have eyes and cut deep. Now what I won’t mind is if I am made minister of education or communication or labor. Something that will let me sort out an issue or concern that can positively improve the lives of the people in the country. I don’t know why I just have this feeling or desire to want to be in government or some regulatory body. Corporate world, although an area I have done reasonably well in, somehow does not appeal to me in the long term.

Finally, the thought of a family is becoming appealing to me. For the first time ever, I can comfortably see where a family fits into my plans. It sounds sad right but we thank God, better late than never. Ok I am thinking that when the family finally begins, I would take a few years off to pursue my PhD. But is it realistic? I have never seen myself as someone who can juggle family and work, my stress threshold is not high. But family and a distance learning program seems more manageable. The problem with all these plans is that they require finances and thus the reason why people end up continuing with full time jobs. Hmmm so what do I do? Anyway I said I won’t worry about finances, that’s God’s job.

Baba God, I continue to trust in you for my strength, wisdom and discernment. Love you Lord!